|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 5:01:30 PM
|
|
|
nickie18
Posts: 6
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline
|
I think spanking is fine as long as its not used in the wrong way or thats all that parents do to punish their child.
I think that if you are constantly telling your child no and you did everything to punish him/her for not listening and still did'nt work, thats when spanking is ok. That is my plan of raising my baby when she is old enough for that sort of thing. I don't think it should be more than 2 whomps on the butt/ should'nt be the first thing you do or done out of anger. If done out of anger for some people, it could go further than just a couple womps.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/10/2010 9:47:43 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 195
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
And sometimes spanking is part of that.
not in my home....
"But a loving parent who uses spanking as part of their childrearing is not "beating" their
children and is not going to kill their child. "
you would be surprised how parent's perceive themselves right even though a child dies from something they did to the child.
for instance last week a man put his child in the clothes dryer and started it because he wanted to teach her respect.
good intentions DO go bad fast.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/11/2010 10:58:03 AM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 195
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
he is not going to die.
Are you saying if he/she doesn't die, then everything else is ok?
If we model approp behavior to our children they are going to learn it. Do you not agree?
The Bible says TRAIN up a child in the way he/she should go...not beat the child..train....
I don't know how anyone can connect the word spanking with training..
I think it's very dangerous to use a measure "if the child doesn't die" it's ok.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/11/2010 12:27:44 PM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2127
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
Are you saying if he/she doesn't die, then everything else is ok?
Um, no. I'm saying that spanking (which is not beating, which is not unrestrained hitting, which is not putting a child in a dryer and turning it on) doesn't kill, in response to your implication that all spanking is abuse or leads to abuse. That they don't die is *not* my measure for good discipline. 
Discipline is not limited to spanking, and shouldn't be. Of course there is training, and a good example, and all of that involved. I've never said otherwise. I believe it was you yourself who pointed out that the Bible talks about corporal punishment (the rod, in one english paraphrase it is actually translated as "spank him") as a good part of parenting. You just don't agree that it actually means corporal punishment when it says so. 
_____________________________
 Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
Global Tantrum Crisis
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/11/2010 5:09:36 PM
|
|
|
Ps103
Posts: 13117
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
Status: offline
|
MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
Covaan_Meshuga, please email community@salemwebnetwork.com regarding the status of your account. Please allow time for a reply. Do not post under this handle or any other without permission from admin.
Thanks!
Please do not reply to this message within the Community. Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
_____________________________
Fasten your seat belts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/11/2010 9:58:30 PM
|
|
|
PDeverit
Posts: 6
Joined: 8/5/2009
Status: offline
|
Spirit of the law or letter of the law?: A marginal few (mostly religious fundamentalists as those at Calvin) think that child bottom-slapping is good.
"The much-touted 'biblical argument' in support of corporal punishment is founded upon proof-texting a few isolated passages from Proverbs. Using the same method of selective scripture reading, one could also cite the Bible as an authority for the practice of slavery, adultery, polygamy, incest, suppression of women, executing people who eat pork, and infanticide. The brutal and vindictive practice of corporal punishment cannot be reconciled with the major New Testament themes that teach love and forgiveness and a respect for the sacredness and dignity of children, and which overwhelmingly reject violence and retribution as a means of solving human problems. Would Jesus ever hit a child? NEVER!"
The Rev. Thomas E. Sagendorf, United Methodist Clergy (Retired), Hamilton, Indiana. Personal communication, 2006.
Edited TOS 6, inflammatory
< Message edited by Kath -- 1/12/2010 2:10:26 PM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/12/2010 8:12:45 AM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
I always find it interesting when people start touting "experts"...lol....
It reminds me of the study by the two sociologists and psychologists who went to PROVE spanking was evil and were shocked to find that families who employed spanking as PART of their process (and not in anger or out of frustration) were 4 times LESS likely to abuse their child physically or emotionally than those who bought into the "never spank" your child. In fact, their children were, at 18, 19 and 25 as emotionally healthy, and perhaps more so. NOT because they spanked, but because people who choose to spank as part of the process usually do not punish first, but teach, train, correct, encourage until the child fully understands and punishment is necessary. They (parents who spank) were also more likely to exhibit physical affection after correction was given to reassure their child of their love.
I also find it interesting that Dr. Spock changed his viewpoint on spanking. Towards the end of his life, he did come to believe that in controlled situations (where the child has been forewarned that the next time a certain action takes place a spanking will occur), spankings are very effective and NOT harmful.
Again this is not to push spanking or any form of punishment over any other..but to push discipline...which is dealing with the whole person....not just how we punish.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/12/2010 8:15:47 AM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 487
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PDeverit
"The brutal and vindictive practice of corporal punishment cannot be reconciled with the major New Testament themes that teach love and forgiveness and a respect for the sacredness and dignity of children, and which overwhelmingly reject violence and retribution as a means of solving human problems. Would Jesus ever hit a child? NEVER!"
The Rev. Thomas E. Sagendorf, United Methodist Clergy (Retired), Hamilton, Indiana. Personal communication, 2006.
No...Jesus might not have ever hit a child, but He had no qualms taking a whip to adults (who may or may not have been spanked as children).
To call spanking vindictive shows how LITTLE Rev. Sagendorf truly understands the process of spanking. ANY correction that is done vindictively will be harmful...including written corrections like what he wrote.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/12/2010 2:11:00 PM
|
|
|
Fritzpw_Admin
Posts: 8283
Joined: 2/28/2005
From: New Jersey
Status: offline
|
ADMIN'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
To date no one in this thread has advocated beating or "bottom-beating".
Such terms are considered inflammatory and as such are considered to be a violation of the Terms of Service to which we all agreed.
Members who continue to insist on using inflammatory language will be considered to be in violation of the Terms of Service and will face the possibility of having their posts removed, their participation restricted from the topic and/or completely banned from the site either for a temporary period of time or permanently.
Members who use such language are encouraged to broaden their vocabulary to engage in the topic in a less inflammatory nature. If a member is unable to do so then we expect the member to exercise self-control and refrain from posting on the topic so that we are not forced to have to deal with the member administratively.
We feel that since we are all adults it is not unreasonable to expect members to comply with this message or the words in red below.
Thank you for your attention, your understanding, and your cooperation.
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
Messages which disregard the words in red will be removed without warning and the poster may also be banned.
_____________________________
Fred "Fritz" Alberti
Director of Social Media
fritz@salemwebnetwork.com
Read today's Bible verse from my favorite online Bible
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank - 1/15/2010 8:28:59 AM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 195
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
|
I understand this subject is a very explosive one because most of us all have preconceived ideas on what constitutes approp. parenting and what constitutes abuse. I hope by commenting on the subject we make other's stop and think how our words may affect other's and how vital it is for our children that we make every effort possible to nurture them in the Lord as He wants us to do.
Parenting is one of the toughest roles in the world, but it's also one of the most rewarding...I just wish we had training BEFORE we got the job. lol
To say Jesus took a whip to adults in connection with a thread about discipling children is not wise imo. Children and adult's are not comparable in this situation.
It's what message our words may SUGGEST that bothers me about this topic sometimes. I just pray we all are mindful of that and choose our words carefully.
3 capps the point of my mentioning "the rod" scripture was the fact that the "rod" does not necessarily mean a stick or anything else associated with physical correction...it could mean an extension, a growing bud, etc....which makes a lot of sense in that our correction of children should grow from our knowledge of our Lord.
What ways, standards, behaviors, etc does our Lord and Savior exemplify? THOSE are what we should be giving to our kids...and those things are what should mold their lives into them becoming the adult's God wants them to be.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/20/2010 4:07:00 AM
|
|
|
yagirl145
Posts: 7
Status: offline
|
i believe that is what 'rod of correction' meant in the bible. be like a rod or stick with punishment, never bending. when you bend the rules, BEWARE!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/20/2010 11:24:21 PM
|
|
|
PitaKat
Posts: 110
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Eastern WA
Status: offline
|
That's interesting, yagirl, I've never thought of it that way, but it does make sense!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/21/2010 9:38:25 AM
|
|
|
SurpassingPeace
Posts: 241
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
|
Therein lies the argument, is "rod" to be take literally, figuratively, or both? There are strong arguments that it can also mean discipline in general which could then be argued that the mean is meant to be take either figuratively or both. And from there the argument goes round and round (and round and round).
_____________________________
Karen
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/21/2010 1:06:03 PM
|
|
|
kohls356
Posts: 250
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline
|
I agree that the rod is what some people seem to get hung up on. We were preached at in our former church that it was to be taken literally. So much so that in my sunday school class the pastors wife told the women that we needed to go to the hardware store and buy a certain size dowel rod to spank our children with. She said the Bible says to use a rod and that is what we were to use. That is when a red flag shot up because if you are going to use that literally then a dowel rod is not what would have been used then.
I found it disturbing after time that we kept being taught that. I had one lady tell me that they were disciplining their children one day and they didn't have a dowel rod. But, since we were taught to take the rod literally they used the only rod they had in the house which was a fishing rod. I was so surprised that people would actually take it so literally that would find any rod they had to spank their child with. I really started questioning the things my pastor and his wife were teaching us and studying on my own and I just could not feel comfortable doing any of the things they was saying when it came to spanking. Now I did spank my children on occasion but I never used any kind of rod.
I think what is most scary is there are a lot of new Christians who are really trying to learn and when you have a pastor, whom you trust at the time, teaching these things then you just go with it because you are trying to do the "Christian" thing.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/8/2010 2:52:25 AM
|
|
|
jenja21
Posts: 1
Joined: 3/8/2010
Status: offline
|
I grew up in a home with no spanking. My husband grew up in a home where spanking occurred. With my first child, we did spank. My second child we spanked very infrequently. With my third child I could count on one hand how many times he was spanked.
If I am honest with myself, I regret spanking my kids. I don't like admitting that, but it is true. I am sure when I look back I will have a few more regrets, but this is the biggest one to date.
I found a very interesting article regarding Prov 13:24 and Prov 23:13 that were referred to in previous posts. Check it out if you like:
http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/spare-the-rod-and-spoil-the-child/
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/10/2010 1:48:25 AM
|
|
|
LMKH
Posts: 6
Status: offline
|
Ok, since I mentioned spanking in another thread, I figure I better go ahead and post my opinion.
Before children, I was anti-spanking. I actually even worked for a domestic violence shelter just prior to the birth of my first born and was involved with the teaching of parenting classes and such. The rule was no corporal punishment. That is all we taught. Then I had children.
I believe spanking should only be a last resort. It should be rarely used, if ever. Only one of my children has ever been spanked, and even that was rare. He was probably ever spanked less than 10 times in his entire life. I think if you have tried every thing else and the behavior is dangerous or outright defiance, then a spanking perhaps needs to follow.
That being said, I think most spankings are unneccesary and I think most people who spank, over-spank. The people I have known of who spank tend to only use spanking and nothing else. It is frustrating. I would never tell anyone to spank, unless the child were completely out of control and nothing else is working.
The very first time my oldest was spanked was at 5.5 years old. He kept running away in public and we could not get control of him. He went missing and had to be hunted down by security guards before. The last time, the security told me that my son desparately needed a spanking. I still did not do it. But, eventually, I spoke to my son in depth that the next time he ran away, I would have to spank him. He had run in front of cars, he was just out of control with the running off. Finally, we were at the mall, at Sears, trying to purchase a new refrigerator. He kept running away and giggling and laughing the entire time. I was trying my hardest to hold tight on to him, but he still squirmed away over and over again. I was actually physically unable to restrain him even though he was small for his age, he was able to break free and take off. Then I would take off as fast as I could after him. We kept having to interrupt from paying and all because we had to keep to chasing him down. Then we found we could not find him. The store called security, a scenario we had been down too many times. The officer told us he usually finds missing kids in the tents that were on display. My son, who was too hyper to sit still for 10 minutes while we checked out, had stayed quiet the entire time he was hiding. So therefore, we spanked him. I posted about another time where he was spanked. Now, if you saw the list of some of the things he did where he did not get spanked, you might be shocked. Looking back, I am not sure I was even in the right to not spank him for those things (like the time when I was breastfeeding the baby and he convinced his little sister to climb out his window on to the roof that was right outside his window. Then he slammed the window shut and locked it and ran out to the backyard and stayed quiet. I heard her screaming and went and found her there. He completely lied to me and claimed he did not do it. I only got it out of him eventually, but he clearly did not feel bad. Another time, he kept slamming the door over and over again while I kept stopping him, but then, while I was in the bathroom, he did it again and he got his sister's fingers in the door and broke 2 of them, didn't spank him for that either). That child is 15 yrs old now, almost 16. He is way way better behaved than he used to be. While I hate to admit the idea that some children just "need" to be spanked, he was definitely a case of this. His behavior was constantly endangering his sister and himself and whomever else. He has not been spanked in years and none of my other children have ever been spanked.
Ok, so that is weighing in on my view point. Don't know if I have helped at all.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/10/2010 4:33:17 AM
|
|
|
serasvictoria
Posts: 79
Joined: 7/10/2009
Status: offline
|
My parents never spanked me, but my grandmother did. It was like that for all the grandkids. If you acted up, you had to take it up with granny. Honestly, she never spanked me for something I didn't deserve and I learned early on not to do the same thing twice. :) I was quite a brat as a child and thankfully calmed down before middle school. After that, I was the "golden child". I never resented my grandmother for disciplining me though, nor do my cousins. If anything, those memories serve as funny stories to tell when we're all together at reunions. "Remember the time so-and-so did "that" or "this" and Granny got a hold of 'em?" *sighs* Good times.
_____________________________
Ghosts Were People Too
Christian By Choice, Southern By the Grace of God
www.facebook.com/toriramone
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/11/2010 9:07:01 AM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2127
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
I believe spanking should only be a last resort. It should be rarely used, if ever. Only one of my children has ever been spanked, and even that was rare.
While I agree fully that just lashing out physically for every infraction is not appropriate and not discipline, we don't use spanking "as a last resort", and yet spanks are still rare in this house.
There is a short list of specific behaviors for which spanking is the first and immediate consequence. The two main ones are injuring a sibling either by intent or selfish negligence, and rageful screaming. The kids know this full and well from very early on, and they know there are no second or third or fourth chances.
The reason I do this is because I do not want to ever spank when I've reached a point of frustration or anger myself. And I would certainly be upset if my child used up every "chance" I allowed him and had hit his brother or screamed at me multiple times in the space of a few hours. I have seen other children do that to their parents and I know that I could not stay calm, dispassionate, and just if that was my life day in and day out.  So for those few things, spanking is the first resort. And even then, most often a single quick swat is all that is needed.
Everything else can almost always be dealt with effectively in other ways. If there's a particular habit that seems to be getting worse and isn't improved by other discipline measures, it might make it's way onto the spank list temporarily until it's dealt with. Just because spanking is not a "last resort" in a family does not mean it is used for every infraction, or used inappropriately.
_____________________________
Moo
"Yup, I'm in agreement with Maggie here on all of this" Manda, April 2010
Global Tantrum Crisis
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/11/2010 9:33:53 AM
|
|
|
mamajennleigh
Posts: 50
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
|
Well said, Maggie. It's the same in our house.
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/11/2010 9:42:56 AM
|
|
|
SurpassingPeace
Posts: 241
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
|
We don't spank in our house. Maggie I really appreciate your explanation of why you don't use last resort spanking. There is something that always bothered me about that idea and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I have been told stories by many friends that use last resort spanking and it clearly shows through the telling that they were either barely in control or already on the way out of control. No matter what method you use, that state is not a good place to make parenting deicisions.
_____________________________
Karen
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
|
|
|
|
|
RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/11/2010 2:24:59 PM
|
|
|
SurpassingPeace
Posts: 241
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
|
Oh I agree completely. I grew up in a home that was abusive both physically, mentally, and emtionally. The screaming was terrible. I have screamed at my daughter one time, she fell down the stairs. Well, I wasn't screaming at her but because I was terrified and running. She cried so hard and I think they main reason was not the blossoming black eye but the screaming. Even though I did it involuntary out of fear not anger, it strengthened my resolve to keep control of my own temper and not scream.
_____________________________
Karen
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
